Rock On!!

This weekend we tackled digging a hole for the new pond. This first six inches went quite well. We even saved the grass to replant in other spots.

Then we (John) hit rock, solid rock! We were pretty sure this was going to happen, as we had been warned by the previous owners of the house that they ran into it while trying to plant a tree in the backyard. John picked away at it for a while with a sledge hammer and a railroad tie, and eventually we gave in and rented a jackhammer. (which is what the previous owners had to do also)

Four hours with that and John was spent. And rightfully so, but he did a fabulous job! Just look how handsome & strong he is!

This morning Blake needed John's help to get a large piece of furniture from IKEA to his house, so he agreed to help John dig the rest of the dirt portions out for the shallow parts of the pond around the edges. John was thrilled with the exchange!! After just a couple hours they were done. We still have to put some of the big rock chunks around the edges and figure out what to do with the excess piles of rock, dirt and grass, but the turtles are in their new location and the hard part is done!! The puppies have checked it out and given it their approval.

To be a Fly on This Wall

Pocket Taser Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife.. A guy who purchased his lovely wife a pocket Taser for their anniversary submitted this:

Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my wife Julie. What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized taser. The effects of the taser were supposed to be short lived, with no long-term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety....??


WAY TOO COOL! Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home. I loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing! I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button AND pressed it against a metal surface at the same time; I'd get the blue arc of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs. AWESOME!!!


Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave.

Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two triple-A batteries, right? There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target.


I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised.


Am I wrong?


So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and taser in another.


The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water. Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries. All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5' long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference; pretty cute really and (loaded with two itsy, bitsy triple-A batteries) thinking to myself, 'no possible way!'


What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best...? I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side as to say, 'don't do it dummy,' reasoning that a one second burst from such a tiny little ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad. I decided to give myself a one second burst just for heck of it. I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and...


HOLY MOTHER OF GOD . . . WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION . . . WHAT THE HECK!!!


I'm pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, 'man parts' nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs?


The cat was making meowing sounds I had never heard before, clinging to a picture frame hanging above the fireplace, obviously in an attempt to avoid getting slammed by my body flopping all over the living room. Note: If you ever feel compelled to 'mug' yourself with a taser, one note of caution: there is no such thing as a one second burst when you zap yourself!


You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor. A three second burst would be considered conservative?


THAT HURT LIKE YOU KNOW WHAT!!!


A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape. My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace. The recliner was upside down and about 8 feet or so from where it originally was. My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching. My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs. I had no control over the drooling. Apparently I did lose my bodily function control, but was too numb to know for sure and my sense of smell was gone. I saw a faint smoke cloud above my head which I believe came from my hair. I'm still looking for my man parts and I'm offering a significant reward for their safe return!!


P. S. My wife loved the gift, and now regularly threatens me with it!


If you think Education is expensive, try being stupid.

The Man Room

John's Man Room is coming along nicely. He has big dreams for that room. He has painted the walls a blue color (quite a dark color if you ask me, but my opinion has no bearing on the Man Room!). I'm told eventually the trim will be painted black (oh boy, I can't wait for that either {insert eye roll}). Our black couch from the living room will be going into his room once our new couch arrives. And except for when he was hanging some of his cabinets and ran a screw into an electrical wire and stopped power to half the outlets on that side of the house, I must say he has done quite a good job in getting it all painted and arranged!

Houston, We have a problem

So, last weekend, as I was vacuuming and cleaning, I kept getting hotter and hotter as the day went on. I figured it was just my feverish cleaning skills, but turns out... the air conditioner wasn't working!!! So it got to be about 87 degrees in our house for two and a half days! The home warranty people couldn't get anyone out until Tuesday afternoon. Joy. Once the fix-it guy was here, he just switched out a little capacitor or something, and all is well again. Happy Pets once again (and a happy Husband & Wife).

And then yesterday, I get in the car to go to work, and it barely starts! It seemed the battery was dying. I headed to work anyway, and drove around the parking garage on my lunch break to make sure it would start then and charge it a bit more. On the way home I stopped at Sears to get a new battery, and find out that they don't carry the battery for my car! Just great, now I have to go to the dealership (which is closed already at this point). So this morning I sent John out to finish my quest. He went to the dealership where we bought the car and they didn't have it in stock!! Luckily the GMC dealership just up the road from them had one, so John headed over there.

One of these days we might have a whole weekend where we don't have to fix or replace anything... my guess is that will be around October of 2011!

A Decision Has Been Made

We have been looking for a formal dining room table and chairs and also a new couch. This process has been much harder than I expected. First of all it is hard to find any furniture in all black (found lots with brown wood & black - but that will NOT work for us). We found a few pieces we liked but all were either the wrong size, too expensive, or John & I just couldn't agree on them. But, alas, we have found a couch in colors we like and that we both agree on!! Now we can really focus our efforts on a table!!

Fido's Fortune

Here are two more fortunes from Kung Fu Fido.

Man's best friend is a dog.
Dog's best friend is a man with food.

Confucius say, short-haired dog shed light on subject.

Rack `Em Up

We finally have a fully assembled Pool Table!!
YEAH!! It was delivered two weeks ago in pieces and it was supposed to be assembled last Friday. The installer had an "emergency" out of town though and couldn't do it until yesterday. But none the less, it is done now. Pinky came over right after it was done and they played a few games. Sometimes I wonder if they really do have jobs!! =)